Updated: Jul 25, 2018
When You're Grateful For Being Saved From Yourself
Just even in this year, I saw some patterns in me that were self-destructive. It wasn't like it was the complete end of the world. They were just habits that were holding back from accomplishing want essentially wanted out of life. Habits that became a comfort to me.
Nasty little money habits
Y'all know what I am talking about. Those money habits that you don't realize are habits. Crazy enough I didn't see this one at all. I was an emotional spender. Not on a grand scale. No. It was little itty bitty spending. Little, but vicious. That spending that only occurred when all hell was breaking loose in my life. I had this problem since I could remember even being able to go to the candy store. Spending for me, I realized became my comfort tool.
It was a tough discovery, but it came when we were looking at our finances and realizing that we needed to budget because we were hitting some financial hurdles.
I didn't want to have to budget. I wanted to make it rain. See, I worked very hard and thus, I wanted to play very hard.
Before I knew it, I'd grabbed my credit card and went loose on Target dot com. With a credit card!! We were hitting a FINANCIAL hurdle and my way to resolve the way I was feeling on inside was to buy stuff on my credit card. SMH!
The truth was that I felt like I'd lost control and my way of coping was to focus on something I felt I had control of.
Spending quiet time with myself and God allowed change. I began to seek God for my comfort when things got super tough. I used to say it all the time. But the truth was that I was pacifying myself with stuff. Which wasn't healthy at all.
I still have my days. However, for the most part I'm well aware of the triggers. I've started journaling a lot more in addition to talking about my feelings when it comes to losing control over a situation.
Don't get me wrong, I love shopping and I don't think I'll ever stop that wonderful hobby. However, shopping will not be the answer when I'm hurting or overwhelmed. That's the key.